_The pearly gates were nothing like I had expected. It looked more like the service desk of an airline company than a holy entrance. The teenage girl behind the desk in no way resembled depictions of Saint Peter. It was a pretty straightforward process though. You supply the young girl with your name and date of birth and she prints out a list of your sins in order of magnitude. If you feel you have been judged unjustly you can argue your case with the girl. If you are at all convincing she calls the manager and your sins may be overlooked. I knew my list was going to be reasonably extensive and I had no plans of wasting anyone’s time. The girl handed me my printout and I had a quick glance to see what had ranked number one; I couldn’t believe it: Christmas had been my biggest sin. I said to the girl, “I don’t want to cause any trouble but I think there may be some kind of error; Christmas is ranked number one on my list.” “No, there’s no mistake sir,” she replied. “Supporting the commercialisation of Christ’s birth is the gravest offence anyone can commit. It really gets on God’s nerves.”