_
I was walking down the street to buy some milk and I was
stopped by an animal rights activist. It really gave me the shits, because I had
seen people asking for donations up ahead and I had crossed the street to avoid
them; unfortunately I hadn’t noticed the small contingent set up on the other
side of the road. I accidentally made eye contact and was forced to listen to
some 18-year-old kid tell how important animals are. She said: “animal cruelty
has to stop; animals are intelligent beings.”
“How do you know they’re intelligent?” I asked. She ended up giving me this big spill about dogs having super sensitive smell, cats being able to find their way home, and something about canaries that I didn’t really understand. I eventually weaselled my way out of the conversation and went on to buy my milk.
That night I lied awake in bed thinking about what the girl had said – maybe animals are intelligent. If only my dog could talk I would be able to settle the debate once and for all. I don’t know much about speech pathology, and I was never really that good at biology; the only way I could teach Rex to talk was if I tricked him into thinking he was human. He joined me at the breakfast table the following morning, spent the day searching for jobs on the internet, and even helped with the washing-up after dinner. After about a week Rex had absolutely no trouble holding a conversation, which surprised me a little. On the tenth day I decided it was time to settle the debate; I asked Rex: “what came first? the chicken or the egg?”
“The chicken would’ve evolved from an egg-laying animal; since the animal that existed before the chicken was laying eggs, then clearly the egg came first,” he replied.
“How do you know they’re intelligent?” I asked. She ended up giving me this big spill about dogs having super sensitive smell, cats being able to find their way home, and something about canaries that I didn’t really understand. I eventually weaselled my way out of the conversation and went on to buy my milk.
That night I lied awake in bed thinking about what the girl had said – maybe animals are intelligent. If only my dog could talk I would be able to settle the debate once and for all. I don’t know much about speech pathology, and I was never really that good at biology; the only way I could teach Rex to talk was if I tricked him into thinking he was human. He joined me at the breakfast table the following morning, spent the day searching for jobs on the internet, and even helped with the washing-up after dinner. After about a week Rex had absolutely no trouble holding a conversation, which surprised me a little. On the tenth day I decided it was time to settle the debate; I asked Rex: “what came first? the chicken or the egg?”
“The chicken would’ve evolved from an egg-laying animal; since the animal that existed before the chicken was laying eggs, then clearly the egg came first,” he replied.