I awoke this morning to the vibrations of my alarm. There was a strange hollow feeling about the day. I stumbled slowly out of bed and walked to the bathroom. The whole house was eerily quiet. I doused my face with water. It was cold, yet unrefreshing. I grabbed a glass of juice, opened my laptop, and began the morning routine: I logged-in, read the weather report, and checked my inbox. Only one new message appeared; it was from an unfamiliar source. After a quick spontaneous click I was presented with the following message:
From: God
To: DAVIES, Harold
Cc: The Human Race [group]
Subject: Re: Resignation
Harold,
I’m sorry to hear of your resignation. You have been a valued member of our organisation for an
extremely long time. Unfortunately your abrupt departure will result in a huge inconvenience for a great
number of people. Within the terms of your contract you are required to give at least ten working days
notice before your final day of work. You will therefore not receive payment for the period in question.
Should you require further explanation please contact human resources a.s.a.p.
Regards,
God
From: DAVIES, Harold
To: God
Cc:
Subject: Resignation
Hi God,
My name is Harold Davies. For the past few billion years I have been one of your sound technicians.
All non-diegetic sounds (noises outside of human dialogue) have been created by me. Unfortunately
this message is to inform you that, as of today, I will no longer be working for your organisation. The
constant restraints on coffee breaks and pay rise refusals have made the position undesirable. I
apologise for the late notice but I have my own mental health to consider.
Regards,
H.
The glass dropped from my hand and smashed soundlessly on the tiled floor. It quite strange, but at least it didn’t wake my roommate.
From: God
To: DAVIES, Harold
Cc: The Human Race [group]
Subject: Re: Resignation
Harold,
I’m sorry to hear of your resignation. You have been a valued member of our organisation for an
extremely long time. Unfortunately your abrupt departure will result in a huge inconvenience for a great
number of people. Within the terms of your contract you are required to give at least ten working days
notice before your final day of work. You will therefore not receive payment for the period in question.
Should you require further explanation please contact human resources a.s.a.p.
Regards,
God
From: DAVIES, Harold
To: God
Cc:
Subject: Resignation
Hi God,
My name is Harold Davies. For the past few billion years I have been one of your sound technicians.
All non-diegetic sounds (noises outside of human dialogue) have been created by me. Unfortunately
this message is to inform you that, as of today, I will no longer be working for your organisation. The
constant restraints on coffee breaks and pay rise refusals have made the position undesirable. I
apologise for the late notice but I have my own mental health to consider.
Regards,
H.
The glass dropped from my hand and smashed soundlessly on the tiled floor. It quite strange, but at least it didn’t wake my roommate.