Connor was the most dedicated husband in all of Ireland. From the moment he laid his eyes on his beautiful, blond maiden, everything changed. Things that were once important now seemed trivial and unimportant. Instead of dwindling his life away in bars and nightclubs, Conner spent every waking moment with the shy young girl from Cork. He past his Saturday afternoons watching romantic movies, his Sundays attending farmers’ markets, and holidays relaxing with the in-laws. Connor could not’ve been more content with his happy little life – it seemed nothing could wipe the cheerful expression from his face. Only one, tiny, little, insignificant detail ever got to this happy-go-lucky character – waiting for his wife. He hated sitting around while she got ready; ‘why go to so much effort when you look perfect first thing in the morning,’ he thought. Connor never voiced this frustration. He passed the time with a blissful smile and complimented the various outfits she tried.
After a long and happily married existence Connor moved on to the afterlife. He had a brief panel meeting with God and Satan before being dumped into the fiery depths of hell. “Sorry Conner,” God apologised. “Your frustration, although masked, covered a range of documented sins. The desire for your wife to hurry – lust, the feeling of anger towards the wait – wrath, and an ability to dress with haste, the deadliest of all – pride.”
About six months later God dropped into hell to pay Connor a visit. The elderly Irishman was laboriously shovelling coal into a pit of lava. “Hey Connor, how’s things?” asked God, casually.
“Not bad,” replied Connor; “certainly getting a workout down here.” He smiled.
“I just wanted to apologise,” said God. “Not long after your interview I found myself a girlfriend. Things moved quite quickly and before I knew it we were sharing a place. Our relationship is going really well but the woman takes so damn long to get ready – it’s driving me absolutely mad.”
Connor laughed. “I know your pain all too well. This intense hard labour is easier than masking frustration at my wife.”
After a long and happily married existence Connor moved on to the afterlife. He had a brief panel meeting with God and Satan before being dumped into the fiery depths of hell. “Sorry Conner,” God apologised. “Your frustration, although masked, covered a range of documented sins. The desire for your wife to hurry – lust, the feeling of anger towards the wait – wrath, and an ability to dress with haste, the deadliest of all – pride.”
About six months later God dropped into hell to pay Connor a visit. The elderly Irishman was laboriously shovelling coal into a pit of lava. “Hey Connor, how’s things?” asked God, casually.
“Not bad,” replied Connor; “certainly getting a workout down here.” He smiled.
“I just wanted to apologise,” said God. “Not long after your interview I found myself a girlfriend. Things moved quite quickly and before I knew it we were sharing a place. Our relationship is going really well but the woman takes so damn long to get ready – it’s driving me absolutely mad.”
Connor laughed. “I know your pain all too well. This intense hard labour is easier than masking frustration at my wife.”