Today I awoke with a dreadful hangover. Usually, in such a state of health, it takes me a few minutes to regain full consciousness; this morning however, I was shocked into immediate reality. Having drooled through the few hours of sleep I was afforded, I laboriously dragged a hand from under my pillow to wipe the saliva from my face. From the corner of my mouth I was stabbed with the end of a nylon fishing line. When I pulled at the thread I could feel it dragging up my oesophagus. My gag reflex caused the sudden alertness. I stumbled over to my dresser to inspect the situation in the mirror. I could ascertain nothing new – for reasons I couldn’t begin to explain a fishing line was protruding from my gullet. I wasn’t left with a lot of options. I took a deep breath, fought my body’s urge to regurgitate, and slowly reeled the line. It wasn’t as uncomfortable as it sounds, until the laminated card at the end brushed my uvula, but by that time it was all over. After a brief coughing fit I picked up the lubricated catch to analyse it further. It was a $20 voucher for Taco Jim’s – I was pretty stoked; I’d been dreaming of tacos all night. I quickly got dressed and drove down to the High street restaurant.
The guy behind the counter gave me that can’t be fucked attitude when I presented the coupon, which I can understand, he was working at a shitty taco place at eleven o’clock on a Friday morning, but I was a little worried he might reject the offer. Sure enough, he took the card and immediately inspected the fine print. “Sorry sir,” he said, almost proudly, “this card expired in 1997.” I was pretty annoyed. I only had $2.80 to last till payday – I couldn’t even afford a quesadilla.
The guy behind the counter gave me that can’t be fucked attitude when I presented the coupon, which I can understand, he was working at a shitty taco place at eleven o’clock on a Friday morning, but I was a little worried he might reject the offer. Sure enough, he took the card and immediately inspected the fine print. “Sorry sir,” he said, almost proudly, “this card expired in 1997.” I was pretty annoyed. I only had $2.80 to last till payday – I couldn’t even afford a quesadilla.