My friend is a something of a kleptomaniac. I wasn’t aware of his addiction until a couple of months back. We were out buying alcohol and I saw him swipe some cigarette papers from the counter. I was really surprised; he doesn’t even smoke. I questioned him about the incident on the way home. Apparently it’s quite a common disorder. Outside of the sister-in-law from ‘Breaking Bad’ and a teenage Megan Fox I’d never known much about it. “It’s the thrill of getting caught that used to drive me,” he said. “That’s how it is for kleptomaniacs. Unfortunately that’s all over for me – I’ll never be busted.” This statement was made with absolute conviction.
“Why is that?” I asked.
“I found a loophole.” The response was frank. “If you’re eating a piece of fruit you’ll never be suspected. Who in their right mind would accuse the a man eating a banana?”
It was a strange idea; although, he’d managed to remove the papers without incident. He was picking from a bunch of grapes at the time. I considered the theory for a moment. “If there’s absolutely no chance of getting caught, why are you stealing?” I asked.
“Free shit.” He shrugged. “Why pay for things if you don’t have to?”
“Why is that?” I asked.
“I found a loophole.” The response was frank. “If you’re eating a piece of fruit you’ll never be suspected. Who in their right mind would accuse the a man eating a banana?”
It was a strange idea; although, he’d managed to remove the papers without incident. He was picking from a bunch of grapes at the time. I considered the theory for a moment. “If there’s absolutely no chance of getting caught, why are you stealing?” I asked.
“Free shit.” He shrugged. “Why pay for things if you don’t have to?”