The results from my gastroscopy were not at all what I’d been expecting. The doctor was simply lost for words; all he could do was show me the recording. It was a little unnerving to see a camera being rammed down my own throat, and strange that it was from the point of view of the device itself. I guess that just pales in comparison to oddities that lay beyond my oesophagus. My stomach was littered with pieces of gum I’d swallowed as a teenager; there was about four dollars worth of change, and an entire watermelon was growing in the middle of everything. I turned to my doctor to gauge his reaction, but he had transformed into a hatstand. The confusion caused me to wake from my dream. Lying alone in a pool of sweat I gazed over at the alarm clock. 6:59 – it was about to sound. I quickly reached for the snooze button to intercept the preset buzzer. I whipped the top of my alarm clock with enough force to crack an oyster. I looked down at my left arm. It was a tentacle.