I’ve spent enough time working in hospitality to realise just how many elitist fuckwits there are in this world. Cafes, Bars and Restaurants are just teeming with pretentious dicks. I’ve had far too much exposure to their pompous crap and I’m here to set a few things straight. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not claiming to know what’s what in this world, I’d just like to point out that these wankers definitely don’t. In a career that has lasted far longer than I ever anticipated I’ve seen a lot – octopus passed off as squid, cheap whiskey in place of top shelf scotch, frozen vegetables sold as fresh – and not once did I hear a legitimate complaint. One of the few enjoyable experiences available to service staff is watching rich fucks enjoy second rate food. A short glimpse of the smug smile presented as they chew their way through a week-old piece of steak is far more rewarding than the excessive tip at the end of the meal.